Resurgo

I live! Again!

It's been so long since I've posted here...my poor, neglected blog, I'm SORRY! Anyway. School's re-starting again, after a two-week break...naturally, I haven't done my homework. Sigh. Didn't realise I had so much. Especially philosophy. Which I enjoy, don't get me wrong, but the texts are so...chunky. I have to read them and re-read them and then re-read them again before I even come close to understanding what the philosopher's saying sometimes. Argh. Satre. Oh well, at least he isn't Baudrillard....now there's a guy who's completely IMPOSSIBLE to understand.

Anyway, I've joined livejournal where "cuts" are possible. Wonder if I can cut here? Then I can post my fanfiction. ^^ What fun. Anyway, back to the homework...sigh.

Oh, and another thing. Though it's good to wrap warmly when sleeping, don't over-do it. Overheating is not good. My lips have been dried like you wouldn't believe.

bellum

I was so caught up in the melodrama of my own life that I completely neglected my blog. And more importantly, everything that was going on about the Iraq war. Shameful, but possibly a good thing. As all the media coverage of the war was bullshit anyway.
I recently watched a program (French produced, Americans would never have either the courage or the integrity to do such a thing) on the coverage of the war called US Media Blues. Eye-opening to say the least.
The American media basically just lapped up and regurgitated everything that the military fed them, augmenting it for impact here and there. The razing of Sadam's statue was a complete farce, the only Iraqis there were those who worked for the Americans as interpreters, drivers, etc, and a handful of locals. They filmed it twice, once with the American flag and once more with the Iraqi flag so they could decide which would have the impact better suited for their purposes later. The press was embedded into the army, so they only went to the places the military allowed them into, they missed the devastation caused because most nuclear weapons used travelled for something like 40 km before exploding and by the time the press had travelled the 40 km, all the bodies had been cleared away. The commentating of the reporters was like the commentating at a sports game. The news programs sold the war, producing whatever they thought would get the best ratings, not showing the other side because it wouldn't sell. When they finally released information such as the prison scandals, it was too late, and moreover, it was not because they felt they had to, but because if they didn't, someone on the internet was going to release it anyway.
However, though they are partially to blame, if it weren't for the American people and their outlook, coverage may not have been this way. In the Vietnam war, the coverage showed both sides because the people spoke up against war. During this war, because of September 11, they were all screaming for blood. Where were Bush's Christian values then? Forgiveness? Though shalt not kill? Sound vaguely familiar? One pro-war guy actually told a pacifist priest that this was exactly what Jesus would have done. I have never felt so violent as I did in those 55 minutes.
The media also exploited the collective American ignorance of the world around them, in fact they knew nothing about anything in the Middle East. How else would Osama bin Laden=Sadam Hussein, or Afganistan=Iraq=Iran=Any other country in the area? Exploitation, nasty thing for the media to do, certainly, but gee, who were the ones who lapped it up?
And now they've voted Bush back in. I shudder to think of the damage he'll manage to inflict in the next 4 years.
Well done guys, not only have you approved of the destruction of a country and the killing thousands, but you've voted the man who managed to do it back in. I applaud you.

Summarium

Oh, my poor blog, so neglected. I'm sorry!
So, what has happened in my little life since I last wrote?
I've picked up Japanese! Dropped straight into 3rd term yr 10, so I'm floundering a little, but I'll get there in the end.
We've joined a new church! ACCF is my new home! It's AWESOME! I still miss my old friends, of course, but I'm happy there, I think.
I'm sorry to say my study has been suffering, due to my fanfiction addiction, which has returned with a VENGEANCE! *sighs* I recently got into Aragorn/Legolas, Elladan/Elrohir, Ran/Ken and Duo/Heero, which in itself isn't bad, but when you think about all the complete CRAP I had to filter through to find decent fics...I swear, my eyes were BURNING!
Writing-wise I haven't been doing much. New ideas have been floating around my head, but nothing makes it to fruition. Ah well, I'll have to get around to my poor fanfiction.net account some other time.
We had a guest preacher at church today, John James from the Newsboys. All throughout his message I had a niggling feeling that I should me more awed, that I should savour the brush with fame. Unfortunately, I'd never even -heard- of the Newsboys except in passing, so well. I'm an ungrateful little sod. However, he did have a cute little analogy for the attitude some Christians take to spreading the word. It was something like:
Christians are living in something like a fort/stronghold that keeps them from the big, bad world out there, and every so often, they lower the drawbridge that gives them access to the world, selecting a few elite leaders to go out there, sneak around, grab some unsuspecting unbelivers and take the hostages back to their fort, where they're brainwashed, etc.
Bah, it doesn't sound nearly as good when I tell it.

Natalis

It's my birthday!
My wonderful mother made wonderful food, my wonderful friends gave me wonderful presents, and I got more "happy birthday"s today that in all my other birthdays put together!
I'm still on a high, I have indeed had a very happy birthday ^_^
If any of my friends are reading this...THANKS GUYS!
By the way...I woke up this morning with "Happy Birthday Mr Smithers" in my head. Is this a bad sign?

Errorem Ademptum

What a bitter taste disappointment has, especially disappointment in people. Recent events have certainly been enlightening; I have discovered sides of people I never knew existed. It's not a nice discovery to make; that the people you thought were who they were are actually not like that at all. I mourn the loss of childhood trust and innocence as well as that of faith in people.
I would never mention names of course, just in case one of those in question stumbles across this.
It is true, the higher someone is, the harder they fall. I've known all along that no one is perfect, a principal drilled into me since the earliest days of my schooling, but it just never hit home just how imperfect people can be. I know very well how imperfect I myself am, I just never expected others, especially the adult leaders of our church, to be just as bad. Perhaps it is my own fault, for putting them on such high pedastals.
I will have to be wary of whom I follow from now on.
As to what happened, I suppose crises can bring out the worst in people. I don't like the thought that these sides just may be their "true colours". I certainly hope they're not.
Now, many may not know that churches are just as beaurecratic as the rest of the world. (I certainly didn't.) They actually have a constitution, set out in a "rule book". There is the pastor, and then a committee of at least four other people to make the decisions. It makes sense, I suppose.
To cut a long story short, there was disagreement; the pastor wouldn't work with the committee, was making his own decisions, disregarding the rules, giving himself too much power. This resulted in people leaving, various consultations of the rules, discussions, "open" forums, votes (where, when the pastor wasn't happy with the result, he told us to "pray" and get ready for the re-vote next week), and general emotional distress within the congregation. Things were said that may or may not have been meant, the buck was passed around and around, accusations and generalisations were made, people made comments and then later denied these outright....I don't know what to believe anymore. Many of those comments hurt, many of the lies told chafed, and I now carry an uncomfortable feeling in my chest about all this. Truth certainly can be uncomfortable. I guess it's situations like these that cause so many to lose faith in religion.
Now our church has moved, and many have left, for better or for worse, including our family. It's hard to leave the group of people you've been meeting with for 10 years. Especially when you are not yet 15; 10 years is most of my life. I've had to break bonds with the friends I have known the longest, and though we have sworn to keep in touch, we know that inevitably, we will all drift apart. So this is what heartache is.
I've always been sentimental and perhaps too sensitive; maybe it's my parents' fault, one of the characters in my name means sensitive, after all. Maybe because of this, I was hit unpleasantly hard; was it my fault that I was hurt, have I been to naive, too trusting? I've always thought that being suspicious of people is easy, that I should learn to give my trust. After this though, it may be a while before I can learn to trust these people again.

Finis

Exams are OVER!!! I am SO HAPPY!!! One exam per day for nearly two weeks was really not good for me. Good news is though, that in this exam period, I've managed to squeeze out some fanfiction in my spare time. Bad news is that it's a totally new fic. Good news is, that it's H/D slash! Bad news is that there is currently no plot. *sigh* I currently have 10 unfinished fics lying around, and I have 5 ideas I haven't started on. This really isn't good. Never mind, I'll get it all done...someday. *cackles* I really feel sorry for anyone who reads my stories...Anyway, looking at all the BRILLIANT fanart I've found lately has gotten me into a drawing mood. Oh dear. I foresee a pile of drawings I'm going to look at again in a week and think "I thought these were GOOD?" about and then throw out. Yes, I waste paper. Yes, I'm a regular tree-killer. And no, I'm not going to do anything about it.

Probatio

Ah, and another week of exams commences. Just my luck that exams would be blocked so that I have at least one every day. I hate year 11 exams, I always seem to have time left over, and then I sit there wondering if there is something I should write about that I've forgotten. 10 minutes of extra time is understandable, but 45? I have a sinking feeling that I missed something here...Ugh. Oh well, I have Chemistry tomorrow. I managed to type up my chemistry study notes, revise a little and have postponed the rest of my studying until tomorrow morning, under the pretense that I work better under pressure. Hah. Well, for you it may be a river in Egypt, but for me, it's a way of life.