Errorem Ademptum
What a bitter taste disappointment has, especially disappointment in people. Recent events have certainly been enlightening; I have discovered sides of people I never knew existed. It's not a nice discovery to make; that the people you thought were who they were are actually not like that at all. I mourn the loss of childhood trust and innocence as well as that of faith in people.
I would never mention names of course, just in case one of those in question stumbles across this.
It is true, the higher someone is, the harder they fall. I've known all along that no one is perfect, a principal drilled into me since the earliest days of my schooling, but it just never hit home just how imperfect people can be. I know very well how imperfect I myself am, I just never expected others, especially the adult leaders of our church, to be just as bad. Perhaps it is my own fault, for putting them on such high pedastals.
I will have to be wary of whom I follow from now on.
As to what happened, I suppose crises can bring out the worst in people. I don't like the thought that these sides just may be their "true colours". I certainly hope they're not.
Now, many may not know that churches are just as beaurecratic as the rest of the world. (I certainly didn't.) They actually have a constitution, set out in a "rule book". There is the pastor, and then a committee of at least four other people to make the decisions. It makes sense, I suppose.
To cut a long story short, there was disagreement; the pastor wouldn't work with the committee, was making his own decisions, disregarding the rules, giving himself too much power. This resulted in people leaving, various consultations of the rules, discussions, "open" forums, votes (where, when the pastor wasn't happy with the result, he told us to "pray" and get ready for the re-vote next week), and general emotional distress within the congregation. Things were said that may or may not have been meant, the buck was passed around and around, accusations and generalisations were made, people made comments and then later denied these outright....I don't know what to believe anymore. Many of those comments hurt, many of the lies told chafed, and I now carry an uncomfortable feeling in my chest about all this. Truth certainly can be uncomfortable. I guess it's situations like these that cause so many to lose faith in religion.
Now our church has moved, and many have left, for better or for worse, including our family. It's hard to leave the group of people you've been meeting with for 10 years. Especially when you are not yet 15; 10 years is most of my life. I've had to break bonds with the friends I have known the longest, and though we have sworn to keep in touch, we know that inevitably, we will all drift apart. So this is what heartache is.
I've always been sentimental and perhaps too sensitive; maybe it's my parents' fault, one of the characters in my name means sensitive, after all. Maybe because of this, I was hit unpleasantly hard; was it my fault that I was hurt, have I been to naive, too trusting? I've always thought that being suspicious of people is easy, that I should learn to give my trust. After this though, it may be a while before I can learn to trust these people again.
I would never mention names of course, just in case one of those in question stumbles across this.
It is true, the higher someone is, the harder they fall. I've known all along that no one is perfect, a principal drilled into me since the earliest days of my schooling, but it just never hit home just how imperfect people can be. I know very well how imperfect I myself am, I just never expected others, especially the adult leaders of our church, to be just as bad. Perhaps it is my own fault, for putting them on such high pedastals.
I will have to be wary of whom I follow from now on.
As to what happened, I suppose crises can bring out the worst in people. I don't like the thought that these sides just may be their "true colours". I certainly hope they're not.
Now, many may not know that churches are just as beaurecratic as the rest of the world. (I certainly didn't.) They actually have a constitution, set out in a "rule book". There is the pastor, and then a committee of at least four other people to make the decisions. It makes sense, I suppose.
To cut a long story short, there was disagreement; the pastor wouldn't work with the committee, was making his own decisions, disregarding the rules, giving himself too much power. This resulted in people leaving, various consultations of the rules, discussions, "open" forums, votes (where, when the pastor wasn't happy with the result, he told us to "pray" and get ready for the re-vote next week), and general emotional distress within the congregation. Things were said that may or may not have been meant, the buck was passed around and around, accusations and generalisations were made, people made comments and then later denied these outright....I don't know what to believe anymore. Many of those comments hurt, many of the lies told chafed, and I now carry an uncomfortable feeling in my chest about all this. Truth certainly can be uncomfortable. I guess it's situations like these that cause so many to lose faith in religion.
Now our church has moved, and many have left, for better or for worse, including our family. It's hard to leave the group of people you've been meeting with for 10 years. Especially when you are not yet 15; 10 years is most of my life. I've had to break bonds with the friends I have known the longest, and though we have sworn to keep in touch, we know that inevitably, we will all drift apart. So this is what heartache is.
I've always been sentimental and perhaps too sensitive; maybe it's my parents' fault, one of the characters in my name means sensitive, after all. Maybe because of this, I was hit unpleasantly hard; was it my fault that I was hurt, have I been to naive, too trusting? I've always thought that being suspicious of people is easy, that I should learn to give my trust. After this though, it may be a while before I can learn to trust these people again.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home